i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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