1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
