My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize