I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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