Your face is a jimmy john
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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