I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Found your dick twin last night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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