If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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