she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
