Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
