When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
