Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
