soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dicks are not precious.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
