Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
