Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
