I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
