The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Shame is for Republicans.
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