Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
