Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
