told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
