you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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