I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am midnight drunk by noon
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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