We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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