So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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