Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
