Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
