Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
