she woke up with a sticky ear
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
