so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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