so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
