Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
