Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
