I am in a vortex of obligation.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
