I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your cock deserves a montage
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I could fuck to npr.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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