so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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