Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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