your room smells of hookers.
And success
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
