You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
