i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
