My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
