God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
