..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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