porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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