guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
