so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
