Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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