Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
