All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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