There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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