Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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