Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
