I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize