Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
