I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
