New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
