Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize