She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
