I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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