just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
