I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
