You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
