You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
