so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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