people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
