KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
