I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
