Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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