You can't special order awesome
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
