his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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