I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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