I think im going to throw up on grandma
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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