Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
