OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize